Monday, January 4, 2010

My Bolivian Adventure, Day 1: Even Superheroes have fear.


Yesterday (Saturday) I had a great meeting with my mentor. Together we are a powerful team. He is a great voice of reason with the ability to connect people and encourage communities, and I am an energetic (sometimes na├»ve), spastic encourager and creative mind. We had a great conversation like always. This time, he ended the conversation with two questions: “Are you scared of the future? Do you fear anything?” I have to admit, I was taken back for a second. Often I move at the speed of light, never stopping to second guess my instinct, or movement. I never before stopped to think about fear. He has a great ability to calm my mind, and make me process things. I have gotten this question before, and have provided an answer (Most definitely, Heck NO!). But for some reason, this same question, coming from him, brought my mind to a complete stop. Perhaps it is the fact that I am now graduated (!), or that I am living on my own… maybe even it is because that now after our first (great) season, GREENOLA feels like a reality. I can’t really know for sure. For the first time, I realized that yes, I do have fear. In this moment of complete vulnerability, I have decided to share them with you.

MY FEARS
  • I am fearful that I may have to get a “normal” job.
  • I am fearful that I will not be able to take my regular afternoon breaks to enjoy the fresh air with a long run.
  • I am fearful that I will not be able to travel as much as I do.
  • I am fearful that I may let down the 50+ producers I work with.
  • I am fearful that I will not allow myself to slow down, forgetting about my dream to have my own children.
  • I am fearful that I won’t become the business woman I want to be, creating a sustainable business that supports both my producers and myself.
  • I am fearful that I won’t make an impact in this world.

Now I know why I avoid being in that mental space called fear, it hurts and brings me down.

Yes, I have fears. I am not a super human, like I often like to portray. I have so much energy inside my body, so much passion driving my movements… I know I am just one person, one person who is going to make a world of change; If not through my own hands, through the hands of others long after I am away. Fear is ok, it is humbling. With out fear and challenges, we wouldn’t find the strength behind persistence.

As I embark on my latest adventure to Bolivia… I have fear of saying the wrong words, as my Spanish is a work in progress. HA!

Join me tomorrow as I share Day 2: His eyes light up when I said he could have a double.

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